looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
