Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
