Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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