my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
