Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
