YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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