Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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