I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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