before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
