I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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