i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
