is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
