I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
