I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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