Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
