I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
