Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
