Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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