It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
