if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Come see our sink grown plant.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
