My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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