Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
