She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
