I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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