Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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