I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
