Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
