Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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