My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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