I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize