why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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