You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
