we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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