mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Farmville is her only friend.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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