I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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