hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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