New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
