Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
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ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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