You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
