thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
