I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
