Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
