Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
