we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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