Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
