I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
