Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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