peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this boner is exhausting
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
