I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
