every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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