You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
