why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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