wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
