Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
