my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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