Whats the glycemic index on semen?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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