who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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