Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
