If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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