omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
