I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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