SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
