So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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