i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
