i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
