wat bout pragnant strippers??
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
