Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
