I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
