I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
