What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You can't motorboat a personality
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
