I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
