Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
