he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
