I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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