I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
