Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
