I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
