Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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