I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
